


Anger, Grief and Apologies

by Caro24084u



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-07
Updated: 2013-03-07
Packaged: 2017-12-04 13:25:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/711233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caro24084u/pseuds/Caro24084u
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He couldn't stay away from him, he had to see him, to be near him, he felt responsible, wasn't him the one to say to him to back of, or that he wasn't pack, that he was just a weak human, the one that push him away? He didn't listen before, but now... But this time he…</p>
<p>"I don’t want you near me, or the house, ,I don’t want you to be in the roof or lurking in the woods, leave me alone, you wanted this, now you have it, I’m not going to be in your way, or anyone’s way for that matter, just fucking leave me alone" he said</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anger, Grief and Apologies

"I can’t do this anymore... I can’t... Just go..."

"Sti..."

"Derek leave"

"no, I’m not goi..."

"leave... Derek I jus... Go, leave me alone, you were right all this time, this wasn’t safe for me... I... I won’t be in your way anymore, now leave"

"Stil..."

"just fucking leave!" and he left, leaving Stiles alone, he didn’t climbed out of the window instead he left the house through the door, there was no one to ask him how he entered or why he was there, after all sheriff Stilinski was dead...

................................

"hey, ummm Stiles ho..."

"I'm fine, Scott, Allison is waiting for you" he said pointing at the girl waiting for Scott in the door of the cafeteria, Stiles just waved Allison as an attention and he walked to his car, he opened the door and heard someone calling him, he didn't waited for that someone to approach, he drove away, he didn’t go to his house, to the haunted house that still smelled like his dad, where his uniform jacket was still in the couch, and the papers of his work were still in the dinner table, he just drove away in autopilot, he doesn’t remember when was the last time he ate something, he didn't care, he didn't remember the last time he slept at least 3 hours straight, he just couldn’t the nightmares were to fucking vivid, he saw his father put himself in front of the alpha pack to protect him, he saw his father die in his arms and he couldn’t do anything to stop it, he couldn’t take away the smell of blood from his hands and clothes, he couldn't close his eyes without seeing his dads empty lifeless eyes, or he couldn’t stop listening his dads last words 'you are safe now Genim, it's ok' it wasn't ok, he wasn't ok, this wasn't fucking ok, he had to stop the car, where? he didn’t knew but he stopped, he stayed there looking at the empty road, after what felt like days, he started the car and drove home, when he got there it was dark, he entered his house rushing to his room, avoiding to look at the jacket or the papers in the table, he closed his door and slid to the floor, the panic attack came soon after the door was closed, the window was closed and locked, his room was in darkness, he didn’t move from the floor even if the air was hard to get, even if his lungs ached from pain and lack of oxygen, he couldn’t move, he just sat there in the dark unable to breath, he didn’t care anymore...

...............................

"Stiles!” 

"fuck off!" was his replay to Erica and Boyd that were waiting for him at the school doors, he didn’t stop to look at them, but he was pinned at the wall by Erica, he didn’t flinch or even complained at the hit, he just looked at her, she immediately let go of him like he was electrocuting her, he walked to his car and drove off again he was somewhere he didn’t recognize, he didn’t mind, he felt a little dizzy, he didn’t paid attention to that, he just sat there again staring at the road no point in particular this time his stay there lasted longer, he didn’t wanted to go to the infested supernatural town again, he didn’t wanted to know anything related with the word wolf, he sat there for a few more hours, he drove to the house and again, he closed his door and the panic came taking away his oxygen and the blasting pain of his lungs was harder this time, he welcomed the pain, when the pain settled, the paper that was due to that morning in a few hours was the thing he occupied his mind, then he began to make the calculus homework and the chemistry project, 2 hours later everything was finished, too much for adderall to focus...

..................................

"you need to snap out of it Stilinski!"

"Jackson!" Scott and Danny pulled him away from Stiles that was pinned in the lockers, he looked at the tree teen wolfs, they flinch under his gaze, he walked away from them, his new routine was expecting him...

_________________

"...what do you say?" Isaac was talking to him while he walked beside him; he didn’t heard what he was saying he just looked at him

"didn’t you guys wanted me away from this shit, from you? I’m doing it, I did and I will" he said walking away from a petrified Isaac in the hallway, the routine was the same, this time he ate a cereal bar and some water, the panic attack was stronger this time, he would stick only to the water next time.....

___________________

"I don’t care" he said before Lydia had the chance to even sit down in front of him, everyone was looking at him surprised, Lydia was smarter than that he didn’t take shit from nobody, but he wasn’t a nobody not anymore

"well I do! so you are going to deal with it Stiles, because what are you..." she shut up when he slammed his hands in the table making her jump and let out a small whimper of surprise

"you do?” he asked her his voice was cold and even his sarcasm was sharp and harsh, she didn’t flinched away but a small shiver travelled down her spine “as I recall no more than 2 weeks ago you didn’t even knew my fucking name, why would you be here if not to ask anything?, if that is the matter I won’t help, I don’t care anymore, you wanted me out, I’m out, now go and be happy with your friends" he said standing up Lydia was speechless, he again walked away from them, the school was soon over and he could go away to college, to be away from them, from that house, from the supernatural beings...from everything....

___________________

There was no more encounters, no more words directed to him, no more pinning in the walls, but the looks were still there, he didn’t look and when he did, they turned away, or flinched, the last attempt was Danny, he didn’t even made it to a ten radius near him, he just looked at him, he flinched and walked away, the letters from Harvard, UCLA, NYU and Stanford were now in his hands, he wasn’t at the house he was in his car, he got accepted, he had a full ride in NYU and Stanford, he didn’t choose yet he didn’t knew where the others were going, he would wait...

___________________

He couldn’t stay away from him, he had to see him, to be near him, he felt responsible, wasn’t him the one to say to him to back of, or that he wasn’t pack, that he was just a weak human, the one that push him away? He didn’t listen before, but now... But this time he… he listened, and what happened? his dad had to die to safe him because he was alone, because he had a faint smell of pack, they went for him the weakest of the pack, his dad tried to protect him… they were alone, unprotected it was his fault he push him away, left him to fend for his dad and himself, when they got there it was too late, the sheriff was in his arms covered in blood and Stiles was screaming for him, for him to help his dad, to bit him to do anything... He couldn’t it was too late... They all went to the funeral, he sat alone in the church and he stood alone in the cemetery, he didn’t look at any of them not even Scott... I knew he wasn’t alright who would, he was alone, I had Laura and uncle Peter, when my family died, yes then she died but I still have Peter and the pack, but him... He just... He was alone, I send him away, I took away the possibility of a family for my own personal interest, for my own benefit, so that is why I’m in his roof, listening to his panic attacks, listening when he woke up screaming for his dad, seeing him go to school and return in the night for more pain, I couldn’t leave, so I entered in his house, he kicked me out yet again, he never looked at me in the eyes, he just made me leave, the next morning was different, I couldn’t get closer to his house, mountain ash, I cursed, I went to see Deaton he was sitting in front of the counter he looked at me

"I couldn’t say no to him" he said before I even had the chance to say anything, I nodded "Derek he really is in a bad state" he said, I nodded, I knew how bad it was, I was there, I left, but I didn’t expect to see him there waiting for me everyone was looking at him, they looked hopeful, he hadn’t spoken to them, they were waiting for me, he was waiting for me, I climbed down of the car and stood in front of the pack, even Peter was there, he was looking at Stiles, but he wasn’t hopeful, he was conscious about something, he was resigned, I looked at Stiles 

"Stil..."

"I didn’t came here to be part of your pack, I came here to say to you and them that I get it, this wasn’t safe for me, the human, I realize that now, I came here to know where are you guys going to college, I don’t want to be near you in any way possible" he wasn’t lying, there was no heart blip, no shaking no nothing, he lift his gaze from the ground and look at the others, I saw his eyes, there were empty, the liquid brown with honey flecks were gone, instead there was this dark cold brown, he had dark circles around his eyes, he was skinnier making his eyes pop even more, he looked wrong, he wasn’t babbling, or had that arousal smell on him when he saw me, he just stared at me, I couldn’t even held his gaze, I heard Erica said he was going to be attending beacon hills collage, then Boyd nodding the same, Isaac was going to UCLA, Scott too with Allison, Danny, Jackson and Lydia to NYU, he nodded, he turn to look at Peter he was going to NYU with them, Chris was going with the UCLA party, I was going to stay here, that was the plan, he nodded, he gave them one last look it was empty this was his goodbye, he then set his eyes on me, cold empty browns set in concerned gray ones

"I don’t want you near me, or the house, ,I don’t want you to be in the roof or lurking in the woods, leave me alone, you wanted this, now you have it, I’m not going to be in your way, or anyone’s way for that matter, just fucking leave me alone" he said, I gulped every word was a knife, the stare was salt in the cuts, yes that was my fault I thought that if he leaved the pack they would let him alone that was not the case, they followed him and tried to kill him, Stiles didn’t care he was ok with it at least to certain point his dad wasn’t going to take it, he put himself in front of Stiles when the alpha pounce to tackle Stiles, his dad didn’t had a chance, he died minutes later in his sons arms, telling him it was ok, no it was not ok, I saw Stiles walk away when I couldn’t form a word to stop him, how can I? So I let him leave, he was not pack anymore today was official, my legs couldn’t hold me anymore I didn’t even flinch at the pain in my knees when I hit the ground my hands where in the dirt, tears were pouring from my eyes, my mate was gone now and I couldn’t do anything to stop it, the distant howls of the pack played as a background, I felt more alone and guilty than ever in my life, because this time I knew what I was doing, this time I wasn’t been manipulated by someone, this time I did it on my own... 

........................

6 years later...

"Stiles?" I asked surprised, he looked at me in the same manner

"Jackson?" he asked I nodded, he gave me a smile, he was smiling, he changed, he was built now, he had longer styled hair, he was confident I could even smell it in him, he was standing upright, his manner was educated and polite, he was wearing more sophisticated and expensive clothes, he was taller even, his smile never falter when he heard Lydia behind him, she was walking toward us, when she saw him her eyes got wide and her smile grew bigger

"Stiles!" she said surprised, he nodded and smiled at her politely

"hello Lydia you look stunning as always" he said, she smiled, we stayed in silence but not for long

"Genim!" a girl called him, he turn to look at the petite yet stunning brunet that called him, he smiled warmly at her when she was now by his side, he put his hand in her lower back and turn to look at us

"Anne, let me introduce you to Lydia Martin and Jackson Wittemore, they were in high school with me, Jackson, Lydia; she is my girlfriend Anne Michaels" he said, we nodded and shake her hand, she had a sweet smile

"nice too meet you, oh! Are you The Lydia Martin? the one he had a crush on?" she asked, Lydia bit her lip but nodded "wow you really are hard competition, you are beautiful, thank god you are taken and pregnant" she said with honesty, making Stiles laugh, I missed it, to be honest I missed him...

"sorry, she sometimes doesn’t have a filter, I’ll see you guys around" he said grabbing Anne’s hand and they walked past us

"he looks happy" Lydia said, I nodded

"he is" I said a bit worried, she of course understood right away...

..........................

"he is staying at his old house" Danny said, we nodded we were now aware that he was here it has passed a month since Jackson encounter him, for what? we didn’t knew yet, we heard a car pulling over in front of the house, Scott frowned confused hell I think I was too, there was a knock in the door, we all stayed frozen, I felt him, he was outside, my inner wolf was so damn happy to felt him again, my mate, but I felt all the color and warm leave my body why was he here?

"I am aware that I am not welcome here, but I wish we could talk?" he asked still at the door, they all turn to look at me, I gulped, but took a deep breath and opened the door, revealing a mouthwatering Stiles, he was there standing in the porch his back to the door, he was looking at the woods, his tight dark blue jeans showing his muscled legs and perfect ass the fitted henley hugging his well worked shoulder and back, he turn to look at me, he smiled, his eyes had that warm and caring manner that always had, I look how his biceps were well worked, his chest firmer, the beige henley leaving nothing to the imagination of his well built body "thank you for giving me the opportunity" Stiles said, his hair was longer and styled, his brown eyes were as exactly how he remembered, liquid brown with flecks of golden honey, he let him pass but keeping a safe distance from him, he didn’t knew what he'll do to him if they were more closer, everyone were in the living room just like he left them, before anyone said a thing Stiles took the word first

"I came here; perhaps too late to apologize for my behavior the last time we saw each other, I... I made really stupid mistakes that I wish with all I got I could take back, I understand now that you wanted to protect me back then, I didn’t looked at it like that, and for that I’m sorry, I’m truly are, I didn’t have the right to take it on you, it wasn’t your fault anyone’s in fact, I was angry and stupid, that is no excuse but… but I felt alone, I didn’t wanted near me and at the same time… I just… god I’m so sorry" he said his voice cracking looking at everyone, then he turn to look at me blinking back tears "Derek I want to apologize to you too, for my words, for the guilt that I put there, it wasn’t your fault nor your responsibility to protect me, it wasn’t fair for me to take it on you personally, I'm sorry, and I'm sorry for taking this long to figure that out, I don’t expect for you guys to care for this apology or even forgive me, I just hope that you are all well and happy, I’m sorry again" he said, we were all in silence, Allison stood up belly verily showing, she smiled sweetly, walked were Stiles was standing and hugged him

"I tough you would never figure that out, I missed you" she said, he smiled at her and nodded, his eyes were teary and a bit red

"I'm sorry, I'm not that smart after all" he said his voice cracking again, Allison smiled, Scott just hugged him soon after, Stiles laughed "I missed you too buddy" he said, Scott pull off and smiled at him, he let the others hug him Boyd and Isaac hugged him for a few moments and let the others continue, Erica punch him in the chest he winced but he let her, she had tears in her eyes too,

“I missed my batman” she said softly, he gave her a small smile then they were hugging and sobbing, he kissed her in the cheek sweetly and smell her hair, I was jealous I was fucking jealous of her, Boyd and Isaac put a hand in my shoulders, I took a deep breath and relax myself they let go of my shoulder, next was Lydia and Jackson, he laughed when Jackson said he didn’t missed him "but I did, trust me I did" Stiles said to him, that melted Jacksons heart, he smiled and hugged him, he really hugged him, he didn’t showed affection for other than himself or Lydia but now he clung to Stiles like he was going to leave, I was scared too, I was scared that he will just leave again, Danny was next, Stiles smiled at him lifted his arms to hug him, Danny denied serious, Stiles froze scared, he put his arms down and nodded understanding, everyone was shocked, Danny loved everyone he was an angelic soul, but this… this was something indeed "I'm sorry Danny, if it helps I read all of them... Every single one of them, I laughed at every stupid thing Scott did, I cried over the fact that my chance with Lydia was over when she married Jackson, I was so damn happy for you when you open your own software company, Danny I read every single letter, mail, text and card you send me, I was a coward... Danny I am truly sorry, I understand" he said crying, then Danny smiled making Stiles smile, he hugged him, like his life depended on it, I didn’t knew he tried to keep in touch with Stiles, no one knew, but Stiles was smiling, Danny separated from him a few inches and kissed him, Stiles froze for an instant but kissed him too, I was about to kill Danny

"yes Stiles, you are attractive to gay guys" Danny said, Stiles laughed tears still falling

"that is good to know, maybe we could go out?" he asked him, it was Danny turn to laugh "Yes I know you are happily married" Stiles said, Danny nodded, they let go of each other, and he looked at me, he gulped his confidence was gone replaced with uncertainty, confusion and embarrassment, everyone excused themselves and left, leaving us alone the tension was palpable

"Der… I… I don’t expe... I... I should go... Right?... Yeah" he said walking to the door, I was frozen in panic, he was leaving... He was leaving again, he stopped in the door midway open "you know what made me snap out of it?" he asked, I couldn’t answer, my body wasn’t responding, he signed "love" that made me look at him he was looking at the floor, I walked towards him stopping a few inches from him, he didn’t looked at me "Anne pulled me out, she did it, she is smart, bold, beyond stunning, and funny, she made me like her, I even believe myself been in love, hell I even bought a ring!" he said, every word was a stab, but he looked at me, his eyes were so captivating, that I lost myself in them "but she made me realize that I didn’t loved her, that I simply couldn’t love her, you know why?" he asked, I gulped scared "because my heart was long lost, because my heart was with somebody else... It was with you all along, he never leave you... I couldn’t either... it took me a month and a half to build courage to came here, I was so stupid… Derek what I'm trying to say is that... I loved you back then, I love you right now and probably I won’t stop loving you, so I'm not leaving and I'll fight for you again, I... Derek I love you..." he said that make me snap out of it, he loves me... Me, my wolf was so fucking happy my mate loved me, he love me he bit her lip, I realize that I haven’t said a word to him, he nodded defeated and began to walk away from me I grabbed his wrist, he look at me surprised, I got closer and caressed his cheek, he leaned in to the touch, I got closer and closer, his lips were parted waiting for mine, I leaned a little bit more and kissed him, his lips soft following mine, his hand was now in my neck pulling me closer, chest to chest, my hand in his lower back, I pulled back for air and he nuzzled in the crotch of my neck I did the same, smelling him, scenting him

“I love you too” I said in a whisper, he is mine... My mate... My life...

**Author's Note:**

> first teen wolf fic!   
> I do not have a beta so it there are some errors I apologize :)


End file.
